The Rough Names.

A necessary change.

2009-06-15T17:34:00.002+02:00

For the very first time I am actually HAPPY with my job applications. And not just happy, I think they're pretty god damn awesome! Let's just hope that the people I'm applying to feel the same way. Gee this course really helped me a lot. And still today was the first day, I've still got two more weeks to go. Actually, I didn't think it would help. But it seems I was wrong.

It was supposed to be fun.

2009-05-02T15:57:00.003+02:00

Why can't I just relax and have fun like everyone else? Why do I always feel as if everyone is staring at me? Of course they have better things to do than to stare at me. Could I please stop being so damn paranoid? I really really do get so sick of myself. What the hell is my problem.

Sepe

2009-04-25T12:56:00.001+02:00

Today, life sucks.

The view from my window.

2009-03-31T17:24:00.001+02:00

Speaking of the idiotic so-called "winter" here on the west coast. Right now i've had it with everything in my yard. Especially the grey sky. And definitely with looking out my window every morning and see ugly naked trees, grey gravel and disgusting spots of snow on the ground.
I love snow. But not when it's moist and a few degrees above zero! Fucking grey world. This awful picture of the ugly view from my window makes me want to puke right now. It's so ordinarily disgusting, city-like. For the very first time i can understand why everyone takes vacation somewhere in the south. But there's a small difference between me and them. I don't mind the winter, it's the autumn. And i know it's March, it should be winter, but it's fucking autumn outside.
Anyway, speaking of that ordinarily, disgusting, city-like... the view from my window.
Do you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of a bicycle road by the football field, scribbled trams, food stamps at the supermarket, people who walk with their perambulators on a narrow asphalt road, past some streetlight, half-modern ugly buildings, scraps of bubblegum on the pavement and bright wooden parquettes.
Those kinds of places where i expect to see people who make me think "I would never want his/her life."
Yes. It's true. The view from my window reminds me of all that. Maybe you understand now that it makes me want to puke? I want to escape the country during the autumn. And come back when it's winter/spring/summer again. When things aren't so terribly depressing.

Weirdness.

2009-03-21T13:43:00.003+01:00

You know you're getting older when your friends from school are starting to have babies!
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Titles suck. K?

2009-03-04T17:04:00.004+01:00

Finally i've quit my job now. My last day was last friday. It feels great but of course i don't wanna be unemployed again. And i miss it a bit. I never thought i would. I'm just stupid for missing it. What am I trying to save? It's not the same place as it was before. Oh well, hopefully I can start at another fast food restaurant soon cause well they need people all the time. And in that case I'm only working there until I get a better job. If the boss isn't fiddling with my salary there too, that is... I just want to move to my own place. As long as I make some money, I don't really care what job it is. Almost. :)

Country of Jante

2009-02-12T19:13:00.006+01:00

People ask me about my plans for the future, but what's the point in telling them when they don't believe in me anyway? They don't believe me when I say I will move to Wales, they don't believe me when I say that I'll start my own business. All they say is that it's too hard. Why? In this country there's an unwritten law called the Law of Jante, and its basic meaning is that you're not supposed to think you are anything. It's easy to be called a bitch. All you have to do is show some self confidence and you're one.

Nobody realises it, but everybody follows it. What a fine way to look at your fellow citizens. And i know they think that my plans are just something I say. I say a lot of things. But is that so strange? There are a lot of things I want to do. Sure, you can have an idea in your head and then change your mind. But about my future life in Wales - I have never been so sure about anything before. And if you've thought about it constantly since you were fourteen years old, then it can't be "just something you say", can it? I still follow the theory that nothing is impossible, and with that way of thinking it can't go wrong, I'm convinced.

Fornby.

2009-01-06T12:33:00.005+01:00

Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the university boarding school i've planned to go to this autumn. Doesn't it look adorable? Although i haven't completely decided yet. I have ordered a catalogue and i have to speak to a study and vocational guide first. And of course there are other schools. But so far this is my top priority! It's located in Dalarna. It's far, but not too far. I can still visit my parents/friends over the weekends without spending the whole day (and all my money) on the train. I wonder what it's like in reality. All my life i've wanted to go to a boarding school. And the course i'm going to take is just for a year, so it's really perfect for me. I'm not looking for a master's degree. I just want to learn. I don't need a high education, this is just fine for me. And after that year i'll go back home to study other things i need to know to start my own business. But not at a university. It will be simpler than that. Plus, i can live with my mum, which means i don't have to get any more debts mwahahaha. And after that, i'm all ready to start. I can't wait! I can't wait until my life is settled and all the learning and trying things are over. I want to start with my life, and i've realised i can't wait another year. It has to be this autumn. And hopefully, this is the right place to start.

Christmas wishes.

2008-12-24T13:00:00.002+01:00

It's christmas eve today ^^. A year ago I didn't have my driver's liscence, I didn't have a job and I didn't have my oh so awesome lucky bag! I wonder where I'll be in a year. I hope by the heathen GODS that I have a REAL job and my own place to live.

I enjoy watching how everything gets fucked up.

2008-12-22T18:53:00.005+01:00

Seriously, people... DO NOT go to Burger King. At least not the restaurant where I work. K? What, i'm just helping. It will go bankrupt anyway. Cause those people don't know how to handle a restaurant. Not that I care, actually i kind of WANT it to go bankrupt, cause I can't stand them anymore. It's just a matter of time. Since the new boss came everything has gone to hell. He doesn't know ANYTHING. If you steal money from the cashbox to go party, no wonder the restaurant goes to hell. I stand on the outskirts smiling. Haha. I like this.

I hereby resign the whole responsibility ;)

2008-12-14T23:05:00.008+01:00

Don't you just HATE it when old people complain about teenagers today? I do. I totally do. "when I was a child everyone CARED for each other", "young people are so spoiled.", "too vulgar", and especially when they start telling stories of how they had to walk several kilometres in blistering cold and deep snow cause it was the only way for them to get to school. How they always had to do everything at home and young people today never help out. Just shut up, and listen. Firstly, everything is fucking relative.
And are we spoiled because of that, because of the way you used to live? Like it's our fault? The way of living changes, and it always has. We're not spoiled. We're just adapted to the life of the 21st century. Just cause life today might be a bit easier on some points doesn't mean we're spoiled.
Take a second and think again please, who you're dissing. You created our lives, you made the world what it is today. Not us. Hell, we've barely even started with our lives! How could we possibly have had the time to change the world and spoil ourselves? Oh wait, maybe that's what we were doing in daycare centre. Instead we have to fix the mistakes you made. It is our generation that has to rebuild the world.
I'm not too fond of today's life either, i admit that. Believe me, if only i had a time machine i would go way back in time, and stay there. But i was born and what can i do? I have to adapt. But don't ever complain about the way we live. Because you put us in this whole situation, whether it's a good one or a bad one.

No i don't hate old people. I am very aware of that only a few people are like this. I'm just saying, the selected few who ARE... they should think again.

How do you know?

2008-12-06T13:00:00.002+01:00

How can you tell if a cat is schizophrenic?

:)

Neh.

2008-12-02T20:32:00.003+01:00

I've been back at work for a few days now... i really thought they would be angry at me. But nobody said anything. Not even my boss. Is it possible, that he's finally realised that he was wrong? If so, he should fucking apologise. Oh well. He even gave me less working hours, which i am very grateful for since i live so far away from that place, and just going home takes one and a half hour, IF the buses fit that is. I thought he'd give me more hours, let me do all the shitty work and stuff like that you know...

I don't know what to do. I really really want to quit but if i do i won't get any money... and i won't have anything to do. And it will probably take ages until i get another job. Eekkk.

If only i knew black magic.

2008-11-24T12:47:00.001+01:00

My boss is such an arse. If i hadn't been such a nice girl i would have told him to fuck off. I won't get into any details, i really can't be bothered to explain everything he's done but i am SO quitting that job. Everything is his fault. And i was so happy that i had a job. I remember how thrilled i was when my (old) boss called me five minutes after the interview and told me i could start the next day. I had been unemployed for almost a year and applied for thousands of jobs, and finally someone wanted me. I really couldn't wish for anything more. And involuntarily i have to be unemployed again, and who knows for how long? Unless you have a master's degree in rocket science you can't even get a job at a fast-food stand, at least it feels that way.
What the hell was i born into this time? I don't want this life at all. I'm just a girl from the country, i'm not supposed to do this. I'm supposed to be at home in the forest with all the animals, that's me. I swear, if the Amish people hadn't been so damn religious i would have joined them ages ago.

Go west, love

2008-11-19T14:20:00.001+01:00

To quote someone famous - you know who.

There so is a feeling i get when i look to the west.

To the west lies the life i dream of. I can't wait until i get there.

My friends would know what i'm talking about here ;)

Tinkering around

2008-11-19T11:40:00.001+01:00

How great it feels to have the day off! I'm not going to do ANYTHING today. Too bad it can't always be like this though. I'm such a lazy arse. I would just lurve to do nothing and still get money for it. But then again, who wouldn't...?

I just watched the latest Idol show while i was eating breakfast. I love to eat breakfast late when i'm home. Ok trust me, i'm not one of those people who's an Idol freak. I just like to watch the performances. I don't care who's winning. I never even watch the voting. lol. There. I'm cleared of suspicions.

I was thinking i should write some songs today. It's been ages since i last did that. I've downloaded the MasterWriter and it's really a HUGE help for me. Especially since i suck at rhyming. Not that it's necessary, i just like songs that rhyme. Too bad it can't write music though... It's kind of disturbing, each time i'm home alone i always say i'll do things that i NEED to do. Ok do not count things like cleaning my room and stuff like that, but more like other things. That i never do. And there is one certain thing that i want to finish but i haven't done it in a year or so. That's finish painting the Beldhardian life. I'll explain. Being born in the wrong time and all i've created a country. A fantasy country called Beldharde. No it's not a LOTR-copy even though it's set in the same time. There are no elves, orcs or dawrves. Just humans and night wanderers. It was meant to be a story but since i suck at writing stories i decided to paint the lives of the people in that country. And share it with the world (visit Beldharde). And even though i say i'll do it i can't! Cause i'm stuck. I don't have any new inspiration and that sucks. I'm always so creative. Why can't i come up with anything now?

Muse please come back?

What difference does two days make?

2008-11-18T23:28:00.002+01:00

Two days in a human life.. what difference does that make?

It's the question i ask myself when i'm upset about what happened at work today. See, i hate my boss. I hate hate hate him. The thing is that we have a new boss now. K, the old one was a bitch but at least she followed the rules and kept order. The new boss is like mentally disturbed. The first thing he did when he came was to tell the vice boss that he should not have any responsibility whatsoever, he should work no more than two hours a day and she (the vice boss) should be ressponsible for all notifications of illness and stuff like that, 24 hours a day, all days. We who work at the restaurant are not going to talk to him about anything, if there's something we have to talk about we're going to contact the vice boss. He changes people's schedules without even telling them and he puts people up on working hours without taking into consideration who work part time and who don't. It's his job to find out. Last weekend i was supposed to work from 16-01 and he suddenly changed it to 11-20... like, what if i had come five hours late that day? And he didn't even introduce himself when he came. Oh, i could ramble for hours..

Anyway. That's not what i was going to write. Vice boss quit (understandably) and now she's only there at times. Like never.. SO. I had to tell S. about my notification of illness this thursday and friday. Cause i have been sick for over a week and i'm still not well. And it's not going to get better if i'm working all the time. He was angry (as always) and told me that i had to bring a doctor's certificate on thursday. Firstly, i'm not supposed to do that until i've been away for six days IN A ROW, unless i'm one of those people who is always "sick". I've been working there for six months. Been sick for ONE day before. And that was in April. He said it had changed because of the new government. I believed him, cause i didn't know. I found out later today that he was standing there lying to my face! Secondly, say i get that stupid certificate. I'm ill that day, i'm not supposed to go anywhere, and definitely not to work. Even says so in the law. My thoughts wandered off to "old Järnbrott", how everything used to be and the fucking fact that i'm stuck there with S. for probably a long time now since it's impossible to get a job in this miserable country.