A necessary change.

For the very first time I am actually HAPPY with my job applications. And not just happy, I think they're pretty god damn awesome! Let's just hope that the people I'm applying to feel the same way. Gee this course really helped me a lot. And still today was the first day, I've still got two more weeks to go. Actually, I didn't think it would help. But it seems I was wrong.

:D

It was supposed to be fun.

Why can't I just relax and have fun like everyone else? Why do I always feel as if everyone is staring at me? Of course they have better things to do than to stare at me. Could I please stop being so damn paranoid? I really really do get so sick of myself. What the hell is my problem.

Sepe

Today, life sucks.

The view from my window.

Speaking of the idiotic so-called "winter" here on the west coast. Right now i've had it with everything in my yard. Especially the grey sky. And definitely with looking out my window every morning and see ugly naked trees, grey gravel and disgusting spots of snow on the ground.
I love snow. But not when it's moist and a few degrees above zero! Fucking grey world. This awful picture of the ugly view from my window makes me want to puke right now. It's so ordinarily disgusting, city-like. For the very first time i can understand why everyone takes vacation somewhere in the south. But there's a small difference between me and them. I don't mind the winter, it's the autumn. And i know it's March, it should be winter, but it's fucking autumn outside.
Anyway, speaking of that ordinarily, disgusting, city-like... the view from my window.
Do you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of a bicycle road by the football field, scribbled trams, food stamps at the supermarket, people who walk with their perambulators on a narrow asphalt road, past some streetlight, half-modern ugly buildings, scraps of bubblegum on the pavement and bright wooden parquettes.
Those kinds of places where i expect to see people who make me think "I would never want his/her life."
Yes. It's true. The view from my window reminds me of all that. Maybe you understand now that it makes me want to puke? I want to escape the country during the autumn. And come back when it's winter/spring/summer again. When things aren't so terribly depressing.

Weirdness.

You know you're getting older when your friends from school are starting to have babies!
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Titles suck. K?

Finally i've quit my job now. My last day was last friday. It feels great but of course i don't wanna be unemployed again. And i miss it a bit. I never thought i would. I'm just stupid for missing it. What am I trying to save? It's not the same place as it was before. Oh well, hopefully I can start at another fast food restaurant soon cause well they need people all the time. And in that case I'm only working there until I get a better job. If the boss isn't fiddling with my salary there too, that is... I just want to move to my own place. As long as I make some money, I don't really care what job it is. Almost. :)

Country of Jante

People ask me about my plans for the future, but what's the point in telling them when they don't believe in me anyway? They don't believe me when I say I will move to Wales, they don't believe me when I say that I'll start my own business. All they say is that it's too hard. Why? In this country there's an unwritten law called the Law of Jante, and its basic meaning is that you're not supposed to think you are anything. It's easy to be called a bitch. All you have to do is show some self confidence and you're one.

Nobody realises it, but everybody follows it. What a fine way to look at your fellow citizens. And i know they think that my plans are just something I say. I say a lot of things. But is that so strange? There are a lot of things I want to do. Sure, you can have an idea in your head and then change your mind. But about my future life in Wales - I have never been so sure about anything before. And if you've thought about it constantly since you were fourteen years old, then it can't be "just something you say", can it? I still follow the theory that nothing is impossible, and with that way of thinking it can't go wrong, I'm convinced.

Fornby.

 Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the university boarding school i've planned to go to this autumn. Doesn't it look adorable? Although i haven't completely decided yet. I have ordered a catalogue and i have to speak to a study and vocational guide first. And of course there are other schools. But so far this is my top priority! It's located in Dalarna. It's far, but not too far. I can still visit my parents/friends over the weekends without spending the whole day (and all my money) on the train. I wonder what it's like in reality. All my life i've wanted to go to a boarding school. And the course i'm going to take is just for a year, so it's really perfect for me. I'm not looking for a master's degree. I just want to learn. I don't need a high education, this is just fine for me. And after that year i'll go back home to study other things i need to know to start my own business. But not at a university. It will be simpler than that. Plus, i can live with my mum, which means i don't have to get any more debts mwahahaha. And after that, i'm all ready to start. I can't wait! I can't wait until my life is settled and all the learning and trying things are over. I want to start with my life, and i've realised i can't wait another year. It has to be this autumn. And hopefully, this is the right place to start.